Taking up an international posting can be one of life’s most exciting opportunities. New experiences, cultures, and challenges await — but along with these come a series of emotional and psychological adjustments.
The diagram above captures what many individuals and couples experience when relocating overseas: a predictable curve of energy and emotion over time.
The Honeymoon Phase
In the early weeks after posting, energy and enthusiasm run high. Everything feels new and stimulating — the local food, the language, the scenery, and the sense of adventure.
This is the honeymoon phase, a time of discovery and optimism. However, beneath this excitement, a slower process of adjustment is already unfolding.
The Emerging Slump
After around three to four months, the initial excitement can fade. The routines that once grounded daily life may no longer be in place. Small frustrations — cultural misunderstandings, bureaucratic hurdles, or feelings of isolation — begin to accumulate.
This period, often called the slump, is a natural and expected part of the adjustment cycle. It doesn’t signal failure — rather, it reflects the mind’s and body’s response to sustained change and uncertainty.
The Spouse Experience
The dotted line on the diagram represents the spouse’s experience, which can often be more challenging. It also often occurs earlier in the posting cycle, which has potential to create pressure on the relationship. A common feeling at this stage is that the posting was a mistake, that we must go home.
While the officer or employee typically maintains some continuity — such as a structured workday, purpose, and social contact through the workplace — the accompanying spouse may experience greater disruption.
Career interruption, loss of professional identity, reduced social engagement, and the challenge of building new networks can amplify the emotional dip.
Recognizing this difference is important for couples adjusting together: empathy, communication, and shared routines can make a real difference.
Moving Forward
The good news is that, over time, most individuals and families find their rhythm again. Energy levels rise, a sense of belonging develops, and the new environment begins to feel more like home.
To navigate the slump successfully, it helps to:
- Maintain healthy habits – regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and sufficient sleep support mental wellbeing.
- Stay connected – reach out to family, friends, and new social circles, both locally and back home.
- Keep structure – create routines that bring stability to each day.
- Seek purpose – volunteering, study, or part-time work can restore a sense of identity and contribution.
- Talk about it – normalizing feelings of frustration or sadness reduces their intensity.
Adjustment takes time, and every journey looks a little different. Recognizing the natural rhythm of adaptation — the rise, the slump, and eventual recovery — helps individuals and couples manage expectations and care for themselves and each other through the process.
We can see this model in practice when we spoke with Kelsey Hoppe https://couple-matters.com/2021/11/18/a-chat-with-kelsey-hoppe/
Need Support?
If you or your partner are finding the adjustment period more challenging than expected, professional guidance can help you build resilience and restore balance.
Contact Rod McBride – Psychologist (MAPS, OAM)
🌐 couple-matters.com
📧 rodney.mcbride07@gmail.com
📞 +61 401 032 352
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Together, we can help make your international experience both rewarding and sustainable.
I really like the fact that you mention the experience of the “trailing” partner when it comes to having second thoughts about the posting is normal and often happens earlier for them than the partner with the posting. I wonder what could help also in the dialogue between the couple that could reduce the chance of resentment particularly if one had to “give up” their job because of the other..
Thanks Sonja. My experience is that the officer is very committed to throwing themselves into the job in the first few months, when what they should be doing is prioritising the settling in of spouse and children. Rather than spending long hours in the office in the first few months, I would encourage the officer to get home early so that they have the energy to go out that night to a social event that might introduce their spouse to local people or other posted spouses.